The moment

I don't know why i am always saying "my son". Maybe, you are a beautiful girl that i cannot imagine. Maybe, your beauty is from blues skies and oceans; your mom.

I had a friend that he didn't talked with me for two months. I didn't see him during this time. Three days ago, he came to the room and started to talk with me in a little shame, nervous, and angry.

He said he hates me. I said i didn't hate him.

He asked why i didn't response. I said i didn't want to fight with him.

He said i accept all his thoughts. I said i could find answer for each sentences if i really wanted to do that.

He said it was a suffer to share the same room. I said my door always opens for you. I said if i really disturbed him, he could go another room even if this is not my authority.

And i asked him what i could do for him... then he started to cry. Then, he talked about regular day life. He seems he has just been cured after two months. Now, he is refreshed.


My son, girl; do you have a big heart for everyone? Could you open your heart and put the people inside even if they are wrong or not? You are growing day by day.

I always like dancing tango. Do you dance?

One weeks ago, one of the girl from the tango club ask me to be partner for the tango performance for her organization. I said i could :) However, the tango crew had already started to practice choreography. Thus, they didn't accept us. It was ok. I said her "let's dance next time".

When the organization day came, i mean "two days ago", she called me. She said one couple couldn't performed because of unknown reason! She asked for the dance again. That's good. But, there were only 6 hours before the performance. I didn't know the choreography, and i was thinking that i didn't have a black pant! I didn't feel comfortable for dance. I regret her. However, I felt really terrible whenever i said these sentences because she really wanted to dance. It was her organization. I left her alone. After a while, i couldn't stop and i send a message about the dance. Naturally, she asked whether i was sure or not. I said i was (which is not true). Then, we practiced the choreography for just for one hour. We danced there, it wasn't good...

Ok... I didn't expect to have a good performance. However, she had expectations! I think she wasn't happy in the end. After performance, she didn't talk to much with me :) After that terrible performance, i was happy indeed. The result was not too much important.

I will always love you my son, my girl, and my angel.

Mektup

Canim oglum.

Sene 2011.

Subat'in cumartesi aksamlarindan biri.

Tampa'dayim.

Hava yagmurlu. Soguk degil ama. Yerler islak.

Balkonun kapisini actim.

Disarinin seslerini duymak hosuma gidiyor.

Bazen arabalar geciyor apartmanin onundeki yoldan.

Bazen tek tuk insan sesleri.

Ama bilirsin iste gecenin sessizligi, hafif de serinligi.

Genelde geceleri calisiyorum. Sabahlari cok kalkamiyorum.

Eskiden kalkardim Istanbuldayken.

O zamanlar duzenli iste calisiyordum belki ondan. Zorunluluk var ya.

Hafta sonlari da bir guzel tatil. Oh uyu guzel guzel derdim.

Neyse canim artik buradayim simdi.

Bu aralar seni dusunuyorum.

Acaba su an burada baslamis olsaydin hayata, yanimda.

Sana ne kadar cok yardim edebilirdim veya sana ne kadar iyi bir baba olabilirdim diye.

Sana ne kadar hazirim ben su anda?

Sanirim dogru bir zamanlama yapip burada gozlerini acmadin dunyaya diyesim geliyor.

Kendime bakabiliyor muyum ki? Eminim annen bunu hep soyleyecektir.

Merak ediyorum simdiden ne kadar bana benziyorsun?

Gozlerin senin de ufacik mi?

Isiga sen de mi bakamiyorsun?

Senin de mi kaslarin catik gibi?

Ya ust on dislerin? aralik mi yoksa?

Saclarin kivircik mi? Ne zordur onlarla ugrasmak.

Bugun senin baban degilim. Bir gun gelir bunu okudugunda,

beni baban olarak dusunme.

Farz etki, canin sikildi, ciktin disari. Oturdun bir bankin tekine ve

bakiyorsun bogaza dogru.

Farz etki iste o an senin yanina oturan rasgele bir kisiyim olayim ben.

Mesela, canin besiktasa gitmek istedi canin da simit cekti karsiya gecerken.

Ne de guzel olur o simit...

O simiti satan kisi gibi dusun beni.

Hani olur ya fotograf cekmek icin cikayim, dolaniyim dedin oyle gece gece.

Mesela, gordun balon satan kara sakalli bir adam.

O kara sakalli adam olarak gor beni.

O yuzden dusunuyorum da oglum, senin uzerinde ben ne kadar etkiliysem,

Iste o az gorunen insanlar da o kadar etkili olacaklar.

O yuzden dusunuyorum da oglum, kizsan da herkese, istemesen de,

Gonlunde olsun herseye sevgi,

ve aklinda olsun herkesin onemi.

Cik disari, cek bir nefes.

Ellerini salla ve havayi hisset,
Gor renkleri.

Tek bir yudum su ic, hisset bogazindan aktigini.

Herkes onemlidir.

Boyle yasa, boyle yasat.