Thursday, May 7, 2015

Taciturnity

"The city's earthly lights blotted out the stars as always. The sky was nice and clear, but only a few stars were visible, the very bright ones that twinkled as pale points here and there. Still, the moon stood out clearly against the sky. It hung up there faithfully, without a word of complaint concerning the city lights or the noise or the pollution. If he focused hard on the moon, he could make out the strange shadows formed by the gigantic craters and valleys. Tengo's mind emptied as he stared at the light of the moon. Inside him, memories that had been handed down antiquity began to stir. Before human beings possessed fire or tools or language, the moon had been their ally. It would calm people's fear now and then by illuminating the dark world like a heavenly lantern. Even now when darkness had been banished from most pats of the world, there remained a sense of human gratitude toward the moon and it's unconditional compassion. it was imprinted upon human genes like a warm collective memory."

From 1Q84, H. Marukami

Sunday, April 26, 2015

This Little Space in Between

"-Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself, I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something that I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship.

-I had worked for this older man, and once he told me that he had spent all of his life thinking about his career. He was 52, and it suddenly struck him that he had never really given anything of himself. His life was for no one and nothing. He was almost crying saying that.

I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt."

from Before Sunrise

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Disappearance


I was sitting and watching the flow of the dance, listening the voices, and feeling the disappearance of everything but the moment.

It was a beautiful night from Miami.

Birds & Windows



















Do you see the birds? How many windows do you have?

Downtown, Miami.

Breeze



















A scene from where I lived in Miami. Thank you Kina and Jose.

Batu'm!



Sunday, April 5, 2015

Miami

"Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing."

Rachel Naomi Remen


Thank you Laura!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Station





































Monday, February 2, 2015

Cry

A sunflower cried somewhere out there today...

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Hawk

"Only in silence the word, only in dark the light, only in dying life, bright the hawk's flight on the empty sky."

Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Revenge

Aomame shook her head. "Even If I take your life here, that won't bring Ayumi back."

"No, but it would provide some degree of retaliation against the Little People. You could have your revenge, as it were. They don't want me to die yet. If I die now, it will open up vacuum- at least a temporary vacuum, until a successor comes into being. It would be a strike against them. At the same time, it would be a benefit to you."

"Someone once said that nothing costs more and yields less benefit than revenge," Aomame said.

"Winston Churchill. As I recall it, though, he was making excuses for the British Empire's budget deficits. It has no moral significance."

"Never mind about the morals. You are going to die in agony while some strange thing eats you up whether I raise a hand against you or not. I have no reason to sympathise with you for that. Even if the world were to lose all morals and go to pieces, it wouldn't be my fault."

----

1Q84, H. Murakami

From the talk between Aomame and the Leader. Striking...

An Idea

"I've been thinking about this... Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place within the space of a pop song. Like three or four minutes long, the whole thing. The story, the idea, is that there's this guy, right and he's totally depressed. His great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know riding motorcycles through South America. And instead he's sitting at a marble table eating lobster. He's got a good job and a beautiful wife, right, but that...Everything that he needs. But that doesn't matter because what he wants is to fight for meaning. You know? Happiness is in the doing, right? Not in the getting what you want.

So he's sitting there, and just that second his little 5-year-old daughter hops up on the table. And he knows that she should get down, because she could get hurt. But she's dancing to this pop song in a summer dress. And he looks down and all of a sudden, he's sixteen.  And his high-school sweetheart is dropping him off at home. And they just lost their virginity, and she loves him and the same song is playing on the car radio. And she climbs up and starts dancing on the roof of the car. And now he's worried about her. And she's beautiful, with a facial expression just like his daughter's. In fact, maybe that's why he even likes her.

You see, he knows he's not remembering this dance. He's there. He's there, in both moments, simultaneously. And just for an instant, all his life is just folding in on itself. And it's obvious to him
that time is a lie. That it's all happening all the time and inside every moment is another moment. All happening simultaneously. Anyway, that's kind of the idea. Anyway."

A part from "Before Sunset"

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Alikiz Kuyusu, Kanciklik Dehlizi, Sise-i Rindan

Mimdarlar, Alikiz Kuyusu, Kanciklik Dehlizi, Sise-i Rindan olmak uzere, ucu de birbirinden belali, birbirinden cetrefil uc safhadan gecerlerdi.

Alikiz Kuyusu, ici yariya kadar gulsuyuyla, yariya kadar da bezir yagi ile doldurulmus, genis agizli bir kuyu idi. Her iki sivi da aradaki huduta hurmet gosterip, birbirlerine karismadan, kuyunun dairesini kaplarlardi. Alikiz Kuyusu'na indirilen Mimdar evvela, gulsuyu ile doldurulmus kisimda, yukaridan dallanan halatlara tutunarak dururdu. Gulsuyu buz gibi soguk oldugundan bir yandan iliklerine kadar titrer, bir yandan da metanetini yitirmemeye caba gosteriridi. Bir muddet sonra, kuyunun etrafini oren mahalle sakinleri asagidaki Mimdar'i ovmeye, goklere cikarmaya baslarlardi. Mimdar soylenin her iltifata, simarmadan, kendini koyvermeden cevap vermeye mecburdu. Daha sonra, gene halatlarin yardimiyla bezir yagi ile dolu kisma gecen Mimdar, bu sefer de yergi yagmura tutulurdu. Mahalle ahalisi az evvel ove ove goklere cikardiklarini, simdi yere yere yerin dibine geciriverirlerdi. Ustune ustluk, bezir yagi adamin yuregini sikistiracak kadar sicak olurdu. Mahelle sakinleri onun hakkinda her turlu fena lafi soylediklerinde, Mimdar bozulmadan, gocunmadan, ustune gelen her saldiriyi usulunce karsilamak durumundaydi. Bir de su var ki, kuyunun agzindan atilan her soz Alikiz Kuyusu'nun duvarlarinda yankilanir, munasip bir cevap gelene kadar da bu yanki durmak bilmezdi. Bir zaman sonra ovguler de yergiler de can acitir, kan akitirdi. Eger Mimdar panzehirini yaninda tasimiyorsa, cabucak kelimelerin zehirine teslim olur; yukari cikartilmak icin feryad ederek aglamaya baslardi. Alikiz Kuyusu'nda cuvallayanlar oteki sinavlara girmeye hak kazanamadiklarindan, kafi derecede pismediklerine kanaat getirilerek saliverilirlerdi.

Kuyudan alinin akiyla cikanlar ise bir gece dinlendikten sonra ertesi gun en pak, en sik kiyafetlerini giyerek Kanciklik Dehlizi'ne sokulurlardi. Dehlizin disariya acilan kapaklarindan biri mahalle camiinin icindeydi. Gulfam camiinin avlusundaki ceviz agacinin dibinde bulunan ve kilidin anahtari sadece cami imaminda duran agir ve hantal tas kapak bu istisnai gunlerde acilir ve Mimdar iste buraya sokulurdu. Dehliz mahallenin tam altindan dolanir; catal catal yollara ayrilirdi. Sinav esnasinda, yollardan pek cogunun ya agizlari duvarlarla, taslarla, kalaslarla orulu oldugundan ya da nereye ciktiklari alabildigine mechul oldugundan, sadece birkaci kullanilirdi. Kullananilan yollarda her taraf boy boy, turlu turlu ayna ile donatildigindan Mimdar nereye bakarsa baksin sade kendini gorur; bir vakit sonra da kendi suretiyle hesaplasmaya koyulurdu. Bu dehlizdeki aynalar Mimdar'a paha bicilmez hediyeler teklif edip, karsiliginda da ondan, herhangi bir mahelle sakini tufaya getirmesini isterlerdi. Teklifler oylesine goz kamastirici, hediyeler oylesine akillara durgunluk verici olurdu ki, pek cok Mimdar icinde kabaran tugyani zapt edemeyerek cok gecmeden kanciklik etmeye razi gelirdi. Ve iste boyleleri, mal mulk icin esine dostuna halel getirmeyi korkunc bir zull addeden mahalle sakinleri tarafindan hemen imtihandan cikartilirlardi. Dehlizden de alninin akiyla cikarak, kancikliga sonuna kadar direnebilenler ise, gene bir gece dinlendikten sonra Sise-i Rindan safhasina hak kazanmis olurlardi.

Sise-i Rindan asamasina varan Mimdar, Akrep Arif mahallesinin orta yerine kurulan ziyafet sofrasinda, mahallelinin kendi elcegizi ve ayakcagizla yaptigi testi testi sarabi kafasina dikmekle ise baslardi. Boyle boyle hem Mimdar'i meykesligi olculur; hem de cakirkeyif oldugundan dilinin dolanip dolanmadigi, huylarinin degisip degismedigi anlasilirdi. Ilk iki imtihani basariyla vermis pek cok Mimdar testiler dolusu sarabi mideye indirdikten sonra yilisarak agizlarina soyledikleri, ciglik edip luzumsuz patirti kopardiklari ve muhabettin tadina damla damla agu kattiklari icin tam da dananin kuyrugunu kopartacaklari sirada elenmislerdi. Kaybettiklerine kani olmayan ve nerede hata yaptiklarini sarhos kafayla bir turlu idrak edemeyen Mimdarlarin, durduk yere hirgur cikartmamalari icin de her turlu tedbir alinmisti.

Sise-i Rindan'da kendini ispatlayan Mimdar, demirden dokulmus kuzey kapisinin onunde, has ipekten serbazlik kusagi kusandiktan sonra yediden yetmise herkes tarafindan bir guzel opulur, tebrik edilirdi. O vakit mahlle buyukleri ona yeni bir isim verir; ve bu ismin kazindigi bir akma haceri kusagina yerlestirirdi.

Pinhan, Elif Safak
------

Sen hangi sahfasindasin?

Storybook World and Real World

"Her shoulder muscles were tense and stiff, and the sweat of her armpits had an unusual smell. The awareness that she now possessed a pistol was enough to make the world look a little different. Her surroundings had taken on a strange, unfamiliar coloration.

She undressed and took a hot shower to wash off the unpleasant sweat smell. Not all guns have to be fired, she told herself in the shower. A pistol is just a tool and where I'm living is not storybook world. It's the real world, full of gaps and inconsistencies and anticlimaxes."

1Q84, H. Murakami

----

Chekhov's gun...

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Bullying

"Why are they bullying her?" Tengo asked.

"She often has asthma attacks, so she can't participate in lots of activities with the other kids. Maybe, that's it. She's a sweet little thing, and her grades aren't bad."

"I don't get it," Tengo said. "You'd think they'd take special care of kid with asthma, not bully her."

"It's never that simple in the kids' world," she said with a sigh. "Kids get shut out just for being different from everyone else. The same kind of thing goes on in the grown-up world, but it's much more direct in the children's world."

"Can you give me a concrete example?"

She gave him several examples, none of which was especially bad in itself, but which, continued on daily basis, could have a severe impact on a child: hiding things, not speaking to child, or doing nasty imitations of her. "Did you ever experience bullying when you were a child?"

Tengo thought back to his childhood. "I don't think so," he answered. "Or maybe I just never noticed."

"If you have never noticed, it never happened. I mean, the whole point of bullying is to make the person notice it's being done to him or her. You can't have bullying without the victim noticing."

Even as child, Tengo had been big and strong, and people treated him with respect, which was probably why he was never bullied. But he had far more serious problems than mere bullying to deal with back then.

"Were you ever bullied?" Tengo asked.

"Never," she declared, but then she seemed to hesitate. "I did do some bullying, though."

"You were part of a group that did it?"

"Yes, in the fifth grade. We got together and decided not to talk to one boy. I can't remember why. There must have been a reason, but it probably wasn't a very good one if I can't remember what it was. I still feel bad about it, though. I am ashamed to think about it. I wonder why I went and did something like that. I have no idea what made do it."

This reminded Tengo of a certain event, something from the distant past that he would recall now and then. Something he could never forget. But, he decided not to mention it. It would have been a long story. And it was the kind of thing that loses the most important nuances when reduced to words. He had never told anyone about it, and it he probably never would.

"Finally," his girlfriend said, "everybody feels safe belonging not to the excluded minority but to the excluding majority. You think, Oh, I am glad that's not me. It's basically the same in all periods in all societies. If you belong to the majority, you can avoid thinking about lots of troubling things."

"And those troubling things are all you can think about when you are one of the few."

"That's about the size of it," she said mournfully. "But maybe, if you are in a situation like that, you learn to think yourself."

"Yes, but may be what you end up thinking for yourself about is all those troubling things."

"That's another problem, I suppose."

"Better not think about it too seriously," Tengo said. "I doubt it'll turn out to be that terrible. I'm sure there must be a few kids in her class who know how to use their brains."

"I guess so," she said, and then she spent some time alone with her thoughts. Holding the receiver against his ear, Tengo waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts together.

"Thanks," she said finally. "I feel a little better after talking to you." She seemed to have found some answers.

-----
From 1Q84, H. Murakami

Have you ever bullied?

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Being Calm

Reading books.

A Window

"The answer is beyond me. Even now, I have no idea. There are lots of things we never understand, no matter how many years we put on, no matter how much experience we accumulate. All I can do is look up from the train at the windows in the buildings that might be hers. Every one of them could be her window, it sometimes seems to me, and at other times I think that none of them could be hers. There are simply too many of them."

A Window, Elephant Vanishes, H. Marukami

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Monster!



















by Batu!

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Images

"The images came to her one after another and with great vividness. The summer night, the narrow bed, the faint smell of perspiration. The word they spoke. The feelings that would not take the form of words. Forgotten promises. Unrealized hopes. Frustrated longings. A gust of wind lifted a lock of her hair and whipped it against her cheek. The pain brought a film of tears to her eyes. Successive gusts soon dried the tears away."

"1Q84", H. Murakami

Harvest Moon
















Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.

But there's a full moon risin'
Let's go dancin' in the light
We know where the music's playin'
Let's go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it's gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.